Muslim Girl Asks Newspaper For Wedding Advice

My advice would be: Tell your parents after the ceremony when you and your new husband are safely miles away

Motown lowdown

Tell mom and dad about your non-Muslim beau

Ruba, Rana, Leena and Reham Kozouz / The Detroit NewsApril 6, 2006

I am Muslim girl dating a boy who is of another religion and ethnicity. We have been seeing each other for three years without my parents knowing. My parents are very strict and would disown me if they found out. I am in my mid 20s, and we have discussed getting married. I have met his family, and we get along wonderfully, and they accept me with open arms. I am very fearful to tell my parents the truth for fear of rejection and deep anger. We don't have an open relationship in which I feel comfortable telling them how I feel. I was wondering if you girls could give me advice as to how to break the barrier between my parents" religious convictions and my love for my soon-to-be fiance.

Distressed in Dearborn

Dear Distressed: There are many things to consider here. Have you and your soon-to-be fiance discussed religion in your future as a couple, especially if you plan to have children? Is either one of you open to converting to the other's religion? Is he respectful of your heritage and religion? These are all core issues you need to be in unison about before talking to your parents and before getting married.

Reham

Hello, people! It is 2006, and you live in the United States of America, land of diversity and tolerance — well, at least in the blue states. Let"s get with the program and tell the folks to grow up and deal with it. Their religious convictions don’t necessarily need to be yours.

Rana

By not telling your parents, you are condoning their behavior. Be open and honest and let them know that their support and love mean the world to you. Open the lines of communication; it may not go as planned right away, but keep the dialogue open. I think they will be more upset at the fact that you have kept this from them for three years. Give them time to adjust and accept your decision.

Ruba

Your parents have a right to their views and morals. Being a relatively new mom, I now appreciate and understand some of the decisions my parents made as I was growing up which I definitely didn’t understand, much less agree with then. Just be sure this person is the right one for you before you go down a road that may cause you a lot of heartache and pain.

Leena

The Kozouz sisters answer your relationship questions every Thursday in The Detroit News. Send your questions to Lowdown@detnews.com or write to Motown Lowdown c/o The Detroit News, 615 W. Lafayette Blvd., Detroit, MI 48226.